Filled with spots of fear thrown in..
This is Caleb, he is amazing! and once again he proved it today, I had a great two hours time out with my big guy, while hubby cleaned pens, I was given freedom to work with him, I did lots of grooming, picking of feet, stretches both legs and for him to loosen up his neck, I did ground work and join up and though it all, he was a dream, he was right there for me..
I took off his halter, and put on a new bridle, fitted it, with a new bit and we ground worked and adjusted it, and did it again until I felt that it was a good fit, he says, it does not have the copper roller in the middle mom, but none the less, I think he liked it.
I tacked him and we went for a walk, other then the few times I held the reins while tractors, rigs and trucks went past, I just draped it over my arm and we were joined up and moving freely.. once in the field, I put it over his head and we just walked.
Perfect.. it was so perfect, sun was shining, I am there with my horse, Its a great fall day..
Then came mounting time.. I have a fear of mounting and a less fear but its still there of dismounting..
When I was fit and younger and stronger, I didn’t have this fear, when I started back riding, this fear was not there, instead it was more of a “hey this part is a lot harder then I remember” and then I hit the ground mounting, Brandy walked out from me in a mount, I lost my balance and I hit the ground and I hit hard!
I shook it off or at least I thought I did, I got a deeper better saddle, I trained harder, and I just learned to live with that clench in the gut. Then I had a few shaky dismounts where Brandy would swing her butt at the last second and I would be hanging in the air and I landed on my foot wrong.. Another clench in the gut..
Then one day I was all happy to go riding, I tacked up, and I went to mount and Brandy started bucking, I did kiss your butt, and I made her settle and I worked her and then I got the bleep off her and ground worked her and then hubby and I switched horses and we went for our ride, it was a good ride, one of those that starts hard but ends nicely..
Expect, it didn’t, it was that moment.. that moment that all those little moments added up to and suddenly I can’t mount (mainly mount) and to a much less degree dismount without fear..
and then the cow kicked my leg tight above my knee and I broke my foot in a few places in the same leg and then when I went to mount, my leg gave under me.. and BOOM! like a thunderclap, I became afraid, not to ride, not to work my horses but to get up there..
I think I was glad when my doctor said, you must take time off riding.. it allowed me to not feel the pressure to get back in the saddle and then with everything going on, it just became easier to ground work then then to ride and then I got permission to ride.. and I didn’t..
I hand walked, I ground worked and I tacked up and let hubby ride while I went with and really I just wanted to be in the saddle but when it came down to it, I didn’t trust my own body to safely get me in and out..
So today, I trusted Caleb and my husband.. I trusted Caleb to stand still, I trusted my hubby to be right behind me to help steady me if I needed it and I did, on the dismount not the mounting, and I trusted that if I could just PUSH past that twisting gut, that.. you can’t do this to the GET ON YOUR HORSE moment.. that it would work.
And it did.. Here it to hoping that next time, its just a little easier to have that trust in me, in my body..